Diabetes

I just finished up a note to tell some of my stitching friends about the disease that Jim has. I realized how vehemently I can sound sometimes about the disease that starts out as diabetes and then robs people's lives so that they can't function without someone to care for them.

Jim got admitted to the hospital again yesterday - he had been feeling some sick, but nothing earth-shattering until yesterday morning. He sat outside the house about 7:15 a.m. waiting for me to get the car keys when he decided that he couldn't wait for me to take him to the hospital, he needed the ambulance, and crossed himself as if he was dying. That was earth shattering to me as I'd never seen anyone in person do that before. He thought that it was going to be his last day.

I gave him some Nitroglycerine and it seemed to help a little, but then again, the pain started up. So, another Nitro which he immediately vomited. The ambulance took about 10 minutes, but it seemed like hours. He was stabilized in the ambulance and I got to the hospital just when they were leaving and had dropped Jim off.

Anyway - I got off topic.

He now is in the ICU and hopefully will be home after a few days. Don't know what else they can do for him, as his heart function is about 10%, and wonderful is 70%. We'll see what they can pull out of their hats for him this time.

Diabetes - robs a person of being their own person. First a slightly elevated blood sugar, no problem, what's another piece of pie? Then come the hypertension - oh well, just cut the salt out, but hey, the potato chip only has a little salt, right? Pills to take for both of these - we can just 'adjust' a little for the popcorn. Next came the diabetic retinopathy which took his sight, so that he can't see the grandchildren anymore, or the valley in the fall where we have the cottage, and now the end-stage renal disease which takes all the dignity away while you sit and have a drain coming out of your tummy and hoping that nothing gets in the port to make you sick. You can be so clean that there are germs that walk out of the house by themselves and somehow one gets inside of the belly to cause all kinds of havoc. Now on to the heart - what heart - the diabetes has already caused it to be wonky - that it only works once in a while - and there are stents put in everywhere, but now it doesn't want to work at all.


This is a maudlin post, but it's how I feel this morning. Didn't sleep well, a bad night with Jim at home is better than a night without him.


Will let everyone who cares to read about my hubby a note to let them know how he's doing today.

Family Issues

I just cannot believe how long it's been since I've written anything. Maybe that's because I've been just so busy doing every day living. Jim has been in and out of the hospital at least six times since last year, each time getting weaker and weaker, and he never does gain back his energy levels. We have had visiting nurses, the lab people, and now today, the physical therapy people came out. Oh sure, he does everything while they are here, and the minute they leave, so do his good intentions. I'm certainly hoping beyond hope this time that things will turn around.

Jim's son died this past Monday/Tuesday. We don't know for sure what the problem is - Jim's ex-wife, daughter, son are all so close mouthed about things. We may never know - and I for one, don't know if I truly want to know. Jim (deceased) was 45 years old - and what's so ironic is that his wife died exactly two years ago the same date. I think he died of a broken heart. Jim was such a sweet boy - I always called him a boy, and my son also, who is 41. He loved his wife so much that it was just so hard for him to be without her. So, he is being cremated and placed next to Felicia. I know this is not what Ms. Felicia wanted for him, but she wasn't here to ying/yang with him. He will truly be missed. He was the only one of Jim's family that treated me with any kind of decency. Long story - am going to forget that they ever existed in my life. Too many other things for me to think about.

I'm going to see a very special person in a couple of weeks. One of my friends that I found while getting my business started again is Barb from Plum Pudding Needlearts. She is one of the most down to earth people I know and she's invited my friend Jeanne and I to come to CT to visit her. I can't wait to get away from the house even if it's only for a few days. My SIL Millie and Julie are going to be taking care of Jim - just enough time to recharge my batteries so to speak. I'm sure they'll do fine with everything.

I guess that's all for now - wish I had better news - but alas, this wonderful boy that I knew is no longer. He will always be there in my heart.

Thursday

Hi everyone who reads this. Today is Thursday - didn't get a whole lot done today except for going to get a mammogram. That is something that is so important to me. With Felicia passing away with her breast cancer, I tell everyone that will listen to go and get a mammogram. I must have passed it, as they didn't call me back for more x-rays. The gal that did the mammogram also worked at St. Mary's Hospital in the Radiology Department when I did, and we chatted the whole time, and it was a piece of cake. They also have a place right inside the room to put the cassette in and the pictures comes onto the computer for everyone to see. It was amazing. I saw a good sized bleb of something on the screen, but then was told it was only fatty tissue. WHEW. I've got little boobs anyway, and if you take away any of it, I'll be flat chested.

Anyway - enough of that.

Jim is doing very well. He wore himself out the last few days - and between getting the garage in order and the basement, he's driving not only me, but himself crazy. He says that he dreams about what he needs/wants to do that day - woah - take it a little easy until you get your sea legs. LOL

We got our 'real' water in yesterday - it's only taken 40 years to get. I LOVE it. I took a long shower today - the water is so soft - and it only takes a bit of shampoo for my hair to lather up. It was wonderful.

We went to dinner tonight to celebrate the water and the fact that Jim has taught me how to install a carburetor on his John Deere. Yep, I can do that now - along with doing some of the plumbing and some electrical stuff. Not my favorite things to do, but at least now I don't feel as though he has to do everything. He is fairly patient with me when I ask him how to do things.

Tomorrow is the last day of work - and I'll miss my kids until next summer. I stopped with Jim today to see the kids off and had lunch with them. It's only three weeks until we go back to work and I'll be glad to go, although I don't think I'll like the winter again.

That's about it - nothing really new here.

Until next time.

Sunday, Sunday

Good morning to all who care to listen to my voice about things. It's Sunday again, and although Sunday is better than Monday, they are almost neck and neck. Nothing happens around here on Sunday, although it is a day off.

Theresa, John (her new DH) and the kids were here this week. I wish that I had had more time to spend with them, but when either Theresa or Tom comes home, it's always busy with them visiting people they never get to see. I am not one of those pushy Mom's who has to be in the forefront, when they have time, it's OK. John is a very nice person, and I would have liked to have gotten to know him better.

We have a well, which means we have a well pump, and the pump is now not working properly. So, everytime I want water for something, either to flush the toilet, wash the dishes, brush my teeth, etc. I have to go down to the basement to turn on the pump via the breaker. What a pain in the butt, but hopefully by tomorrow night, this will be fixed. We are getting 'city water' finally. I think we are the only people on our road who are still on a well. The only down thing to this is that I'm going to have to give up my spring water - that's part of the bargain. BUT that's ok - not having to depend on a well pump is great - so now even when we lose power, I can still have water coming into the house.

I've been stitching but yesterday I found a BIG error on one of the things I'm model stitching - so I had to frog quite a bit to get back to where the problem was. Hopefully today this will be done and I can get it back to the designer. She's a very patient lady and a true friend.

I will wait to hear from Theresa that she got back home to NC safely. She and the family spent the night at the cottage last night to get an early start this a.m. She still has over a 10 hour drive. I will miss her terribly but good thing I've got a phone that has unlimited talking.

Jim is doing wonderfully on his 4-drain a day dialysis instead of the overnight. He seems to have more pep and energy and is almost like a new man. He still gets tired very easily, but he seems to be getting more things done than in the past. Hopefully this will keep up. Just wish I wasn't tied to the dialysis bags like I am.

I guess that's it for now - will try to keep up my blog better.

Jim's Sick (Again)

OK - he's in the hospital again, no fault of his own, but I'm feeling like such a shit because I'm supposed to be going away this coming Thursday and thinking and blaming him that I might not be able to go. Peritonitis is such a terrible thing to have to happen to a dialysis patient, but I've been taking care of him almost 24/7 for the last two and a half years, and I need to get out of here and away from him for a few days. Jim is not the easiest person to take care of, not physically, but mentally. Physically it's easy - give him his meds, make his meals, remind him to do things that he forgets to do - but mentally seeing him sit in a chair every day because he can't get out and walk around (he's legally blind), gets scared if he walks in the driveway because he can't see the end and might walk into the road. I am going to avidly look into the Association for the Blind to see what is available for him to get out and do. He used to be such a 'get up and go' person, and now it's all gone.

Anyway - cross your fingers for me that things work out and I can get to CT for the retreat. I know in my heart that it's not his fault, but there is always something that comes up that I don't get to do things.

I know, I'm selfish at times, but this time, I really need to go away.

Birthday and Anniversary Woes

OK - I'm on a mission here - a mission to let people know that I exist. Not only on a birthday or an anniversary, but on any given day.

This past Saturday was my birthday - not a milestone one, but one that to me was important nevertheless. My husband completely blocked the day out of his memory bank, and even after I nudged him a few times about what day it was, he wasn't buying. The buying part was the part I was trying to get across. No card, no flowers, no candy, no present, nada. At about 8 pm I told him that he'd better get in contact with the guy who should be coming with either my card, my cake, etc. He refused to see the humor in what I was saying. He's been eating grumble soup for days now. I am speaking to him only if I am spoken to. It's just amazing how many things I can answer 'yes' or 'no' to. Now before you think I'm just a grubbing person, it's been years since he acknowledged my birthday. Sometimes I get a card that he has my daughter pick up for him, and in his defense, he can't drive anymore because he is legally blind. BUT it doesn't take much for him to ask Julie to get a card, and maybe some flowers of the day for me.

Now, since the birthday is over, our anniversary is on Monday - so we shall see what happens on that day after putting up with the nonsense for l8 years. He used to tell me that because my birthday was the end of May and our anniversary was the beginning of June, that two presents weren't needed. Weren't needed - you mean none.

Why are men born without the gene that makes women happy? Or should I say most men? I know gals whose husbands are wonderful - they go shopping by themselves, they pick things out that they know their wife will like/appreciate, and others get nada? Since I have a son, I was adamant that he learn about these things so that whomever they married would not live like I do. LOL

Anyway - got that off my chest now - it's Friday - and hopefully on Monday will have something positive to say - if not, then he's up for the grumble soup again.

Mother's Day

Hello - what exactly is Mother's Day? Is it a day where you are supposed to put your Mom on a pedastal or is it a day that your Mom gets unnoticed, or how do you think your Mom feels when no one remembers until the end of the day? Now, I didn't get unnoticed, all three kids contacted me, and I did get a couple of presents, good presents, but I get presents that I think they would like because "I never know what to get you" or "you have everything already". SO, in that vein, I will tell my children what I'd like, and what I don't have. I would like a pedicure, I would like some new PJ's, I would like a GC for a haircut, and I would like a GC from Barnes & Noble.

If I am so hard to buy for, why can I think of great things to give to me?

Theresa's birthday is Saturday - so a present will be going in the mail on at least Wednesday for her to have it directly on her day. I have put lots of thought into what to get her, and hopefully she'll like it.

I love being a Mom, just not on Mother's Day.