OK - he's in the hospital again, no fault of his own, but I'm feeling like such a shit because I'm supposed to be going away this coming Thursday and thinking and blaming him that I might not be able to go. Peritonitis is such a terrible thing to have to happen to a dialysis patient, but I've been taking care of him almost 24/7 for the last two and a half years, and I need to get out of here and away from him for a few days. Jim is not the easiest person to take care of, not physically, but mentally. Physically it's easy - give him his meds, make his meals, remind him to do things that he forgets to do - but mentally seeing him sit in a chair every day because he can't get out and walk around (he's legally blind), gets scared if he walks in the driveway because he can't see the end and might walk into the road. I am going to avidly look into the Association for the Blind to see what is available for him to get out and do. He used to be such a 'get up and go' person, and now it's all gone.
Anyway - cross your fingers for me that things work out and I can get to CT for the retreat. I know in my heart that it's not his fault, but there is always something that comes up that I don't get to do things.
I know, I'm selfish at times, but this time, I really need to go away.