Saturday, August 8, 2009


I just finished up a note to tell some of my stitching friends about the disease that Jim has. I realized how vehemently I can sound sometimes about the disease that starts out as diabetes and then robs people's lives so that they can't function without someone to care for them.

Jim got admitted to the hospital again yesterday - he had been feeling some sick, but nothing earth-shattering until yesterday morning. He sat outside the house about 7:15 a.m. waiting for me to get the car keys when he decided that he couldn't wait for me to take him to the hospital, he needed the ambulance, and crossed himself as if he was dying. That was earth shattering to me as I'd never seen anyone in person do that before. He thought that it was going to be his last day.

I gave him some Nitroglycerine and it seemed to help a little, but then again, the pain started up. So, another Nitro which he immediately vomited. The ambulance took about 10 minutes, but it seemed like hours. He was stabilized in the ambulance and I got to the hospital just when they were leaving and had dropped Jim off.

Anyway - I got off topic.

He now is in the ICU and hopefully will be home after a few days. Don't know what else they can do for him, as his heart function is about 10%, and wonderful is 70%. We'll see what they can pull out of their hats for him this time.

Diabetes - robs a person of being their own person. First a slightly elevated blood sugar, no problem, what's another piece of pie? Then come the hypertension - oh well, just cut the salt out, but hey, the potato chip only has a little salt, right? Pills to take for both of these - we can just 'adjust' a little for the popcorn. Next came the diabetic retinopathy which took his sight, so that he can't see the grandchildren anymore, or the valley in the fall where we have the cottage, and now the end-stage renal disease which takes all the dignity away while you sit and have a drain coming out of your tummy and hoping that nothing gets in the port to make you sick. You can be so clean that there are germs that walk out of the house by themselves and somehow one gets inside of the belly to cause all kinds of havoc. Now on to the heart - what heart - the diabetes has already caused it to be wonky - that it only works once in a while - and there are stents put in everywhere, but now it doesn't want to work at all.

This is a maudlin post, but it's how I feel this morning. Didn't sleep well, a bad night with Jim at home is better than a night without him.

Will let everyone who cares to read about my hubby a note to let them know how he's doing today.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Family Issues

I just cannot believe how long it's been since I've written anything. Maybe that's because I've been just so busy doing every day living. Jim has been in and out of the hospital at least six times since last year, each time getting weaker and weaker, and he never does gain back his energy levels. We have had visiting nurses, the lab people, and now today, the physical therapy people came out. Oh sure, he does everything while they are here, and the minute they leave, so do his good intentions. I'm certainly hoping beyond hope this time that things will turn around.

Jim's son died this past Monday/Tuesday. We don't know for sure what the problem is - Jim's ex-wife, daughter, son are all so close mouthed about things. We may never know - and I for one, don't know if I truly want to know. Jim (deceased) was 45 years old - and what's so ironic is that his wife died exactly two years ago the same date. I think he died of a broken heart. Jim was such a sweet boy - I always called him a boy, and my son also, who is 41. He loved his wife so much that it was just so hard for him to be without her. So, he is being cremated and placed next to Felicia. I know this is not what Ms. Felicia wanted for him, but she wasn't here to ying/yang with him. He will truly be missed. He was the only one of Jim's family that treated me with any kind of decency. Long story - am going to forget that they ever existed in my life. Too many other things for me to think about.

I'm going to see a very special person in a couple of weeks. One of my friends that I found while getting my business started again is Barb from Plum Pudding Needlearts. She is one of the most down to earth people I know and she's invited my friend Jeanne and I to come to CT to visit her. I can't wait to get away from the house even if it's only for a few days. My SIL Millie and Julie are going to be taking care of Jim - just enough time to recharge my batteries so to speak. I'm sure they'll do fine with everything.

I guess that's all for now - wish I had better news - but alas, this wonderful boy that I knew is no longer. He will always be there in my heart.